What if the secret to becoming a better leader isn’t about managing others, it’s about learning how to manage yourself?
That’s the question at the heart of my conversation with Margaret Andrews, author of Managing Yourself to Lead Others and one of Harvard’s most beloved instructors in executive education.
Margaret has spent more than 30 years helping leaders around the world strengthen their capacity for self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and impact. She has taught on four continents, held senior leadership roles at both Harvard and MIT, and now leads her own professional development firm, The MYLO Center. Her work bridges the best of business and academia to help leaders at every level grow in clarity, compassion, and purpose.
Her new book distills the essence of her highly regarded Harvard course—one with a waitlist that stretches for miles—into practical, actionable tools that anyone can use. When I read it, I knew it was a conversation I wanted to bring to the What’s Possible audience, because this work sits at the very foundation of great leadership: understanding yourself first.
Why Self-Leadership Comes First
Like so many great stories, Margaret’s began with a moment of discomfort.
Early in her career, a new boss gave her feedback that she wasn’t expecting. He told her, “You lack self-awareness.”
At first, she was stunned—and, as she admits, defensive. But after sitting with the feedback, she realized he was right. She was successful, smart, driven—but not deeply connected to her own patterns or the impact she had on others. That realization became a turning point in her leadership journey.
Instead of brushing it off, she got curious. What did it really mean to understand yourself? How could that kind of awareness translate into stronger leadership?
Margaret began to research. She studied famous leaders, dove into academic literature, and reflected on her own experiences. The result, years later, is a body of work that helps leaders everywhere answer those same questions.
As Margaret put it simply during our conversation:
“You have to understand yourself and manage yourself first. That is the foundation—and from there, you can start to understand and lead other people.”
This isn’t a new idea, but it’s one that most of us need constant reminders about. Many leaders move quickly into managing others without fully grasping how their own emotions, values, or habits influence the people around them.
When we lack self-awareness, our leadership becomes reactive. We respond to challenges based on mood, pressure, or habit, rather than clarity. But when we know ourselves—our strengths, triggers, and values—we can choose our responses consciously.
Margaret calls this “agency”: the ability to intentionally direct your behavior, rather than being carried away by circumstance.
Self-awareness, she says, isn’t just a soft skill—it’s a strategic advantage. It helps leaders stay grounded in times of uncertainty, make better decisions, and model authenticity for their teams.
The Six Questions Every Leader Should Ask
In Managing Yourself to Lead Others, Margaret introduces six foundational questions designed to help leaders build self-awareness and reflect on their leadership identity.
Each question invites introspection and helps uncover the patterns that shape how we lead. They are:
- What type of leader are you?
- What type of leader would you like to become?
- What is the difference between your current and desired leadership styles?
- Whose thinking has shaped you as an individual?
- What situations and events have influenced you?
- What is your definition of success—in both your personal and professional life?
When I heard these questions, I paused. They’re deceptively simple—but deeply revealing when answered honestly.
Margaret explained that the goal isn’t to have “perfect” answers, but to start noticing your own story. The way you define success, for instance, can expose hidden motivations. The mentors who shaped you can reveal the leadership patterns you’ve inherited.
And perhaps most importantly, comparing who you are as a leader now to who you want to become gives you a roadmap for growth.
Knowing Yourself Makes You Harder to Shake
Margaret said something during our conversation that stuck with me:
“When you understand yourself, you’re generally more grounded. It’s harder to shake you, because you know who you are and what you want. And you also understand that other people are different.”
That last part—understanding that other people are different—is key.
Self-awareness naturally leads to empathy. When you know your own tendencies, you become more curious about others’. You start to recognize that what motivates you may not motivate someone else, and that your way of processing stress or change isn’t universal.
This awareness transforms leadership relationships. Instead of getting frustrated when someone doesn’t think or act like you, you can meet them where they are.
It’s a quiet kind of wisdom that creates psychological safety and trust—the foundation for strong teams.
Managing Up: Leading with Partnership
Another major theme in Margaret’s work is the importance of managing up—and doing so in a way that builds partnership rather than tension.
Managing up isn’t about politics or manipulation. It’s about understanding your boss’s goals, preferences, and communication style so you can work together more effectively.
Margaret advises leaders to “think like a partner.” That means anticipating needs, offering solutions, and understanding that your boss is human too—with their own pressures and blind spots.
When you bring self-awareness and empathy into that relationship, you create a dynamic where both people can succeed.
One of the final points Margaret made in our conversation felt like the perfect summary of her philosophy:
“Great leadership happens when your intentions and your behaviors are aligned.”
It sounds simple, but it’s one of the hardest things to do. We can have the best intentions—to support our team, to be patient, to stay calm under pressure—but if our actions don’t match, trust erodes.
Self-awareness bridges that gap. When you understand your emotions and triggers, you can pause before reacting. You can choose behaviors that align with your intentions, even when things get hard.
And when your team sees that consistency—when they can trust that your words and actions align—it creates a ripple effect of stability and respect.
The Role of Self-Management in a Changing World
As we talked, Margaret reflected on how leadership has evolved. Today’s leaders face complexity, change, and constant pressure to adapt. Technical skills matter, but the differentiator is emotional agility—the ability to stay centered, self-aware, and responsive rather than reactive.
That’s why managing yourself isn’t optional—it’s essential.
It’s what allows leaders to stay grounded amid chaos, to inspire confidence during uncertainty, and to bring out the best in their teams.
Margaret’s work reminds us that leadership isn’t just about strategy or vision. It’s about self-mastery—the daily practice of knowing yourself, choosing how to show up, and leading with integrity.
Here are five steps inspired by Margaret’s work that you can apply right now to strengthen your self-leadership:
- Start with Reflection: Set aside ten minutes a day for reflection. Ask yourself one of Margaret’s six questions each week. Over time, patterns will emerge that deepen your self-awareness.
- Write Your Operating Manual: Create a short document that outlines how you work best—your communication preferences, motivators, and needs. Share it with your team and invite them to do the same.
- Practice Emotional Labeling: When you feel a strong emotion, pause and name it. Research shows that labeling emotions reduces their intensity and helps you respond rather than react.
- Align Intentions and Behaviors: At the end of each day, ask: Did my actions reflect my intentions today? If not, what got in the way? This small check-in can transform self-awareness into behavioral change.
- Lead with Empathy: Remember that everyone sees the world differently. When something frustrates you, pause and ask, “What might be true for this person that I don’t yet understand?”
These steps don’t require a new certification or a leadership title—they just require curiosity and commitment.
Bringing Awareness to Work
As I listened to Margaret, I found myself thinking about how often leaders skip the self-work. It’s easy to focus on managing others, building strategy, and driving results—but leadership always begins within.
Understanding yourself isn’t self-indulgent—it’s the foundation of effectiveness. When you know who you are, what you value, and how you want to show up, you become steadier, clearer, and more trustworthy.
That’s what Margaret teaches so beautifully. Her work brings science, reflection, and humanity together in a way that feels both rigorous and deeply personal.
If you’ve ever wanted to become a more grounded and authentic leader—or if you simply want to feel more aligned in your life and work—I can’t recommend her book Managing Yourself to Lead Others enough.
I’m so grateful to Margaret for joining me and for sharing her wisdom so generously.
Our conversation reminded me that leadership isn’t something you master once—it’s something you practice every day. It’s in the choices you make, the awareness you cultivate, and the alignment you strive for between your best intentions and your real-world actions.
The leaders who do that—who manage themselves first—create teams, organizations, and communities that thrive.
